Heaven Help Us
by LethalDiamond
Summary: Dean can't stop thinking about Castiel one night after the fall. Destiel. Spoilers for season 8 and 9.
1. The Realization

I lay wide awake in bed that night. There was no way I was getting any sleep, I mean, it's not like I had slept since the angels fell, but that was besides the point. There was no chance of getting my four hours of peace knowing that Castiel was out there somewhere. Hell, I hadn't even known if Cass was alive until he had called me a few days ago. Teaching the angel how to use the phone was one of the best decisions Sam and I had made in a while.

Where is he? Is he okay? Has he gotten into trouble? God knows he's a magnet for that kind of stuff. All of these things worry me and keep me up all night. I don't care what Cass had done. He had been tricked like we all have been. Especially Sam with the whole Ruby fiasco, but I forgive him for that. He only thought he was doing the right thing. Like Cass thought he did. Anyway, all I want right now is my angel back.

'Whoa', I thought to myself, 'my angel?', where the hell did that come from? I mean, I've had these thoughts before, of Cass and I. I've thought that maybe I'm not as 'straight' as I thought I was. I mean, there was that time a few months ago when that guy was hitting on me, and even though I told him I don't swing that way, it felt a little more awkward than it should have been. Or maybe it's just Cass. But I usually just shove those thoughts to the back of my head. We have more important things to worry about right now like freaking Abbadon and finding Cass. Dammit! I just can't seem to get that god damn angel out of my head. But anyway, Cass is every much 'my angel' as he is Sam's, right? But Cass was right about the, how did he put it… 'profound bond'. The way he would only come if I prayed for his feathery ass; how he would pop in a little too close to me, not respecting my personal space , even though I kinda like it. The way he would get that confused look on his face, tilt his head to the side and stare at you with those gorgeous blue eyes of his…

"Okay Dean, time to stop that," I said to myself in the dark of my room. "You don't think of Cass in that way. You're straight. You like girls." _Or do you? _ A voice echoed in my mind. _Think about it. You never stop thinking about that messy brown hair, or that tie that's never straight, no matter how many times you- _I suddenly sat up in bed, slightly panting and my limbs a flailing mess."Shit," I said. "I'm in love with an angel, aren't i?". Then, slightly quieter, with a crooked smile on my face, I repeated, "I'm in love with an angel."

I fell asleep that night with images of big blue eyes haunting my subconscious.

** A/N: Hey guys, this is my first ever fanfiction. I would really appreciate you telling me what you thought about it. And there is more to come! This first chapter is a little short. And I won't have a regular updating schedule, if you were wondering. School is hectic. But I will try my best to update as much as possible. But anyway, thanks for reading!**


	2. Buisness As Usual

I woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs that morning. I sat up, that god damn smile still plastered on my face from the night before.

"I'm in love with Castiel", I said. I'm going to have to get used to saying that, let alone thinking it. But just thinking of Cass is enough to fill me with joy. Anyway, I'm still somewhat in shock from last night's revelation. Well, I mean, I did just realize that I love a celestial being, so maybe it's a little bit acceptable. I quickly got dressed and started following my nose into the kitchen to find Sam making breakfast. My stomach rumbled. I realized I was freaking starving. Can't wait to eat. Love me some food. I waltz into the kitchen, that giant smile stuck on my face.

I walked over to the cabinet, grabbed a glass, poured myself some water and stole some of Sam's eggs. Sitting down at the table, I began to eat, Sam sat across from me at the other end.

"Okay, what's up with you?" Sam asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I replied.

"You seem different. Like happier than usual. Why's that?" Sam asked with a smirk. I just glared at him.

"I'm fine Sam, really, I am. And why would I be happy? If anything, I should be upset. Abaddon is still out there, and Crowley's locked up in our dungeon and wants to use Kevin as a source of entertainment. Also, we have no clue where Cass is at the moment." I wasn't ready to tell Sam, not yet. I need some time to deal with this and adjust and figure things out. This is my own personal thing, and it's not really important right now. We have other things to worry about than my love life.

"So any ideas on where to start? We should probably figure out what Abaddon's up to or what her game plan is." _Or hopefully find Cass. I'm worried about him. I don't know if he knows how to really survive as a human. _ Sam stared at me for a second before looking down at his food, then back at me again.

"Dean, we don't have anywhere to start. I've checked the last place we know that Abaddon was and there haven't been any demonic omens within one-hundred miles of the place. She's probably gone into hiding, planning her next move. We haven't heard anything from Cass since he called you and all Crowley's interested in is being beaten up by Kevin." Sam told me.

"Speaking of Kevin, where the hell is he? He's usually awake by now." I asked.

"I think he's still in his room, thinking about what Crowley said." Sam replied. Dammit, that kid needs to stop listening to that god damn demon. They lie! That's why they're demons!

"Hey, Katniss! Get your ass down here before all the food's gone!" I yelled loud enough for our little prophet to hear us. I didn't feel like getting up to go get him. I'm eating and this food is damn good. That reminds me…

"Hey Sam?" I said to get his attention.

"Yeah Dean?"

"Where did you learn to cook like this?" I asked. He looked down at his plate and I could tell I had struck up some sort of bad memory.

"Well… Uh…" he started, "Amelia showed me how to make a few simple meals when I told her that all I ever really eat is take out, burgers, or bags of chips from gas stations."

"Shit. Sorry about that Sam." He just shrugged it off. I didn't mean to do that to him. I can tell that he is still a little bit upset about leaving Amelia and I didn't really want to push that. Kevin, thank God, chose that moment to walk in the kitchen to get some of the left over eggs and bacon that Sam had made and join us at our over-sized table, saving Sam and I from any more awkward conversation.

"Any new info?" I asked Kevin.

"Nothing to report." He replied.

"Well, I'm going to go talk to our favorite little demon, see if he has any more names he wants to give us." I announced. He probably doesn't, but I needed to go do something at least somewhat productive.

I put my now empty plate in the sink and headed down to our dungeon. I love that, our dungeon. I always wanted a dungeon, especially one as cool as ours with the books, and the sigils, and the freaking handcuffs with the devil's traps carved onto them. I opened the door to where Crowley was being held, and walked in.

"Look what the cat dragged in. There's no chance that you're here to let me go, now is there?" Crowley said, snarky as ever.

"Nope, I just came down to see if you felt like being cooperative and wanted to give us more names." I told him.

"Maybe if you sent that prophet of yours down here, we would have a different story, but for now, no names." He said.

"Not happening Crowley." I threw some holy water on him, just for fun and went back upstairs into my room. I flopped down on my bed, closed my eyes, and started thinking about Cass. We seriously need to find him. I don't know if I can handle not knowing where he is for much longer. It's totally different now. Before this, he had his angel-blade, he didn't have to eat or sleep, and he could just fly or whatever out of a dangerous situation. I really need to talk to him, I guess, and I would just feel better having him here with us. Not just because I love him, (that's gonna take some getting used to) but because I care about him as a friend. I'm sure Sam feels the same way, although it might not be as strong as what I'm feeling right now. But whatever, I can't dwell on the thought for long, especially since there's nothing I can do about it right now. I just hope he's okay for now.

**A/N: Thanks for the support guys! I really appreciate you reading this. Just for future notice, updates won't be as quick as this. I just already happened to have chapter 2 written. It will be a canon story (with the exception of the Destiel of coarse) so I will need to be able to watch each week's episode then write a chapter off of that. I will hopefully have a chapter every week to week and a half. But again, thanks for reading and feel free to tell me what you think about it!**


	3. SORRY!

**Hey guys, sorry about this. I am going to delete this story. Don't panic! I just realized that this is going to take a long time to write, so I'm going to take it down for a little while, work on it some more, then re-post it in about 4-6 weeks. I just don't want to have you guys wait so long for each chapter to be posted. Lord knows I hate waiting. and sorry to those of you who thought this was an update. I really hate doing this, but it has to be done. The story will be officially deleted tomorrow, I just wanted to give you guys some time to read this and know what's going on. Thank you for understanding!**


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